Grass Is Greener Where You Water It
The union between husband and wife is a powerful bond, especially when there is a shared vision. Unfortunately, many have lost sight of the value of this covenant and seek their own way and ultimately self-destruct. This explosion of self-empowerment causes damage to all in proximity of the concussive force of selfishness. I implore you read on if you feel affronted by my statement but let me explain what I mean.
We are all individuals but designed to live in a community and we get to choose what roles we want to enact in the community. The thing that hurts my heart is that many take on titles for the sake of status with a look at me attitude but do not give thought to what the role entails. This way of thinking will cause great harm to the next generation and feed the vicious cycle of hurt people hurting other people. It is a tragedy that as a society, we focus more on how to heal after a tragedy than to live with a purpose of preventing one – desiring to cope opposed to learning to live well.
I am not saying you must be perfect and completely prepared for life’s journey (that’s why we need faith), but I am saying the willingness to fulfill the commission in which you have chosen will take you farther than you will ever know.
My sister-in-law stated, “When Brandon (her husband/my brother) suggested we go to nursing school, I thought he was crazy. I was a few months pregnant. ‘You can do it if you want,’ I said, ‘but I know what school is like and I don't think I'm smart enough to be a nurse. Those programs are intense!! I've heard having a baby and being a parent is intense! No way man."
What my sister heard was a filter that made her feel the pains of others that came before her, and they projected the challenges they faced when a parent and a student, planting a seed of deception. But then she went on to state, “Fortunately, I heard him out when he talked about how our future could be so much better. We wouldn't have to live paycheck to paycheck anymore. We wouldn't be stuck living in a place or at jobs that we didn't like. We could afford The Ranch that I'd been dreaming about since high school.”
This sparked a shared vision and many possibilities. My sister could have dug her feet in the ground and her husband could have journeyed the road alone, ultimately causing some separation. I am not saying all married couples must have the same vocation but what I am saying is the ability to communicate, come together, and execute a shared vision has a power that many choose to go without in a relationship, and they wonder why they feel so far apart and possibly lead to divorce.
She joked, “He laughed at me because I was excited about the acceptance letter from the local community college since they literally accept anyone who applies.” Having some fun along the way is important but the amazing thing is that she did not take his joke as him trying to belittle her. She knew that no matter the joke, at the start and end of every day, he chose her and will always choose her. This mindset will prevent walls from erecting and keep the shared vision focused.
She explained, “Brandon started classes in June, and he had to get approval to take more credit hours than the normal limit. That's also the summer that he and I worked three jobs each. I started prerequisite online in August and had Airo (their son) in September. We chugged along like The Little Blue Train that Could (okay, Brandon was the blue train, and I was the caboose). The hardest time was the summer we took a CNA course. Between this 16-hour-per-week course and our 36-48 hours-per-week jobs, there were some days that we didn't see Airo for a whole 18 hours (Our dear friend and her family were SOOOO helpful, adopting Airo as their nephew.)”
Even though we live in an all about me society my sister understood that we all have roles to play, and that one role is not more important than the other. But that was when the pressure increased. She went on to state, “At some point during our prerequisite, Brandon said, ‘I've been looking at how much nurse practitioners make and what their jobs look like. .... ... I think we should be nurse practitioners.’"
Her response was, “Okay man, you're doing too much!!!!!” But this was not statement of division but a question of her ability and limited time, but she trusted her spouse and trekked on. She went on to explain, “The nursing school we decided on required us to take the Test of Essential Academic Skills (TEAS), and it was when I got a high score that I realized, oh wait... maybe I AM smart enough to be a nurse! Brandon also got a high score, so we were automatically accepted to Saint Anthony College of Nursing--the best nursing school in the surrounding area.” Her trust and step in faith empowered herself and ultimately empowered them, individuals in union with each other on a shared journey.
She went on explaining, “Our experience at Saint Anthony was undoubtedly the best academic experience we had. We developed lifelong friendships and we took all our courses together. Brandon took the notes while I knitted during lectures. We studied and did practice questions all the time--even on dates! Nursing school was hard, but a very happy time. Airo grew and proved that he was the perfect kiddo for our family to be going through all this hard work--he is happy, chill, flexible, confident, and kind.”
Their family adapted and worked in synchronous harmony because the foot wasn’t trying to be the hand and the brain wasn’t trying to be the heart. They were content with helping and investing in a shared future and support each other along the way.
She also explained, “In our first year at Saint Anthony, Brandon was looking for nurse practitioner programs around the country. He also found the Mayo Clinic fellowship program that he applied to earlier this year (and God said, ‘No, not this one’). He found the Adult and Geriatric Acute Care/Family Nurse Practitioner dual programs at a select handful of schools and decided on the University of Tennessee Health Science Center because of the high rating, high number of clinical hours, and Memphis is known as the Stroke Capital of the World (e.g., plenty of sick, sick patients who need help). I was happy to go to whatever school he chose; I only wanted ONE concentration, haha. We applied in the second-to-last semester at Saint Anthony, drove down for our interviews in March, then received our acceptance letters later that semester.” This is a true definition of a spouse who walks in faith and has wisdom and discernment. I am talking about my sister, but this fits Brandon too.
Euphorically she went on, “Man, when we got those letters, we jumped, danced, laughed, yelled, and ran around our apartment like crazy people. Our friends were hanging out with us at the time, and they got to see the frenzy, haha.” Sharing challenges will lead to sharing successes so this is a reminder to not give up before the tree you have watered begins to bear fruit and reward.
But she kept things in perspective, “Moving to Memphis was hard. We had never experienced much of the South and knew no one at all. We were a little apprehensive, especially being an interracial family (which has only brought a few inappropriate comments, fortunately!!). We quickly made a few study buddies and friends, and things were rolling along--and then covid. We all know the nightmares that 2020 brought and 2021 continued. Let me tell you, we didn't enjoy living in one of the most violent cities in the United States during all this unrest. Fortunately, we came through unscathed. Unfortunately, any chance we had of making friends were squashed because we were all social distancing. The few friends that we had, we hung onto. We got closer to our families through texts and calls. I don't want to go over the past three years in detail because then this post would be REALLY too long, haha. It has been a grind of studying, homework, clinical, work, parenting, spousing, self-caring, etc.” In summary, being proactive in wellness and understanding the intentions of her husband was to build and not about status or competition has created a bond that will never be broken. They will be examples for others and ultimately Airo.
Her final statement, “SO. Brandon May. I am so proud of you. You have gotten us through so many hard things that would have made me give up if it weren't for your stamina and drive. I continue to be impressed with you. Thank you for being such an outstanding human. I am glad that we will get to take care of people who need help. Thank you, and I'm proud of us! (And Airo because man he's a trooper!!)
She added, “Brandon says I should mention that we got our doctorates. Haha! Yeah, I guess that's an important detail!”
I leave you, the reader, with this: Please know your worth and understand that playing a different role will not lessen your value. All contributions are equal when the heart is in the right place. Fight the good fight and you will see there is love, joy, and happiness even in the hardest places of life when you work together as a team.
Credit to: Sarah Grace May
