Deeds, Pleads, and Misleads
Speaking from personal experience, there is a misconception about maintaining self-care as an individual while in a permanent relationship (i.e., marriage). From observation, I have seen others give advice, create what if scenarios, and heavily influence others to make life changing decisions that are based on temporary emotions and/or unshared past experiences.
Before people try to point fingers and make assumptions, this is an observation and not an all-inclusive study. There are bound to be people that do not agree and that is to be expected when worldviews are not similar or are in stark contrast. Now back to my observation.
As a society, I have noticed, myself included, project expectations on others. This projection seems to be from the collection of data as we grow through life, gaining knowledge. This vast amount of collected knowledge compels us to share what we have observed and “found out” but unfortunately, more times than not, I have seen others share this knowledge without putting into practice wisdom and discernment when using this information and knowledge to “help” others.
In my younger years, the power of zeal and knowledge became my tool to overcome many obstacles in my life, but it was not until I gained wisdom and discernment that I understood how to maintain self-care while in a permanent relationship.
Imagine your relationship as a parcel of land and beyond the property line were other relationships and the rest of the world. When signing the deed/covenant to the parcel, both parties agree to live in that land and to be responsible for all that occurs within the property line. The couple bring a wealth of knowledge and a lot of expectations when settling on an agreed property, but past experiences lay in wait beneath the soil.
This is what I mean. There are people who are able to rely on healthy information from their parents and are able to trust their wisdom before purchasing the shared land and take the time to study the soil and learn about the zoning of the parcel. However, there are others that have the same amount of data/information but are unable to rely on wisdom from past generations on what to do and what not to do prior to buying land with another person. To add more diversity to this example, there are many who have information from parents, but their parents have no input or pass on misinformation based on their experiences that sow discord because the information provided has nothing to do with the purchase of land but leasing land. These misconceptions really can cause a big problem because they create expectations that only belong in the arena of leasing property and not the purchase of property, making wants and needs contradictory to the expectations of the other tenant.
Let’s talk about expectations. Generally speaking, frustration when building on a parcel with someone else is because of unmet expectations and those unmet expectations become a distraction from self-care. Sometimes we expect something from others because they planted the expectation via oaths or promises and other times it is because we use the vast amount of information to project expectations onto others. This is to be expected when there has not been proper preparation and research conducted prior to moving on to a parcel with someone else. Without drawing this blog out longer than it needs to be, simply put, imagine moving on to a parcel with someone and thinking there is a purchase agreement when they moved on the land thinking that the parcel is a long-term lease. Now, that is scary but shows how worldviews can come into play. The rules/laws of purchased land are very different from leased land and moving onto a land with those two very different mindsets can cause many problems because there will be unmet expectations based on what is allowed on the land and what is not.
Before I am attacked and scorned, I want to make it clear that I am NOT saying there is no diversity and that both parties are identical, what I am saying is that worldviews (land agreements) guide the expectations of the tenants of the property. If person A has the mindset to dig and build while person B has the mindset to build only according to lease terms and has no desire of ownership, the two individuals are bound to experience frustration, ignore self-care, and potentially separate.
I know I have not covered all angles of this topic, but the point here is to get people thinking for themselves and to see other perspectives and to get needed conversations initiated. Thoughtful Pages is not here to think for you but to help readers change the way they think by considering ideas but ultimately to choose for themselves. Bottom line, if God gives you the power to choose, who are we to force you to choose. But remember, one must choose, and inaction is still a choice.
Consider your steps and actions and be kind to others.
